[10:13pm | Apr 16 2005]

one simple question

"are you happy with him?" she asked
and i said i felt needed. she repeat her questions over and over again. and my reply is "No..."

she: "that answer the problem. you are just not happy. yes you felt loved and needed. but you are not even comfortable with him. i'm sorry love. this is pure honesty from me to you. think about it. and stop thinkin. He has never made you happy and he never will that is the fact. Thank god he did those things to you. Now you can overcome everything that ever happen and gonna happen :)"

"so when did you ever felt happy?" she asked me again.
me: when i'm with you and the others. remember those days when we were working together? use the pay to dine and dance the nite away... and those taxi rides home. the time when we play seek-catching under the midnite stars and those running after the last bus ride after a game of pools. just flirting with your guy frens. that was simply the best. oh ya.. when i go for a blind date and you are always on standby to rescue me.

i guess i'm just unlucky in love. me being too fussy or plain shy and just too cautious of not wanting to hurt a friendship but ended up losing both instead.

but i was glad i have met you. and i hope you won't go away as most of the rest did. i can never stop loving you babe. thank you..."

and we ended the conversation with a big grin on my face... how could i ever forget the good long years and keep on screwin my memories on the short years memories of agony. thank you love. you remind me of the good old days.

[1:20 pm | Apr 16 2005]

Cuts vs Life

[CUTS]
1. place the cut under running water
2. leave it unplastered if its not that serious
3. after a few days, the wound is dry. yet you can still feel the pain
4. after few years, maybe there is a scar to remind you a lifetime. laugh about the moment it happen and who caused it. and forever blame him/her.


[LIFE]
1. cry your heart out. even scream if you want to
2. tell everyone and don't bottled it up
3. after a few weeks/months: you moved on but yet again.. question why?! and wish that person is cursed for life
4. after few years: everytime you see that person or hear their name you will be reminded of the event and laugh your head off for their stupidity to cause you anger and grief.

[2:20 pm | Apr 10 2005]


the end is so near i can taste it...

so my life ain't as blissful as yours. but its not that bad actually... quite beautiful and colorful. i love every minute that i get to sit and chat away with my family and friends. they have coloured my life ever so beautifully.

i dun mind if others knows about my past,(hmmm.. do i have a past?) everyone does.. mine not much interesting, but yea... its not a big deal anymore. cause i know, every past will somehow catch up with you when you are older and wiser.

what i've been up to?
well.. for starters, i'm trying to get all my assignment and project done by hook or by crook.. another week left and every deadline is catchin up with me.
i've been cooking religously to feed my grumbling stomach. everyday is food galore.. heh!

[2:03 pm | Apr 10 2005]


rite...

so where did we stop..
today, i feel my life is in a mess i wanna straighten things up. but i'm just to lazy to work with it.
Laziness is one sickness that i just love to give in. it is something that i let myself get entangled into, crippling my life and thus making me fall into this heaps of troubles, confusion and i'm trying to make a mad rush for everything at the very last moment and i can't help but putting everything to tomorrow.
when will i ever wake up from this sickness!
i have strength to overcome it. but often the obstacle are to great and i believe i'm sick.. due to laziness

[5:06 pm | Apr 5 2005]


*no hero in her sky*

maybe i'm being naive making some minor things into a big issue. or maybe its just karma.
nanee. i regret saying to you about "helping her doesn't worth it at all". i take that words back. =)
i guess what Allah wanna show me is that.. no matter how much you readily give.. Never, Never once,no matter how small it is, should you ever expect anything in return. when you are expecting something in return.. you're hoping. and it won't be ikhlas.
and i have to learn it a hard way.

[3:39 pm | Apr 3 2005]


when i start i can't stop.. so just read or press "ALT-F4"

i hate my body. no not physically... well.. if someone else have my body, they would hate it. where everything is flat except for the tummy hehe... but i'm happy about it though.. as long as it have the ability to do the stuff that it need to do, i contented. *alhamdulilah*
back to i hate my body not physically... the first thing i need after my shower is FOOD. [food?! *people mumbling*] yes FOOD... and after stuffing my tummy full, the next thing it wanna do is.. go to the toilet... and you noe what goes on in there or do you need details?
hehe
yea. so that's the part that i hate most... it often happen when i have to rush off to somewhere else but the toilet. and in there... it have to happen slowly. and in my mind... gosh when will it end. eeewwwwwwwwwwwwww!

- - - - - end of part I - - - - -

when i was in those cute lil frilly polka dots frock... everytime my sister went out with her frens, i always stand at the front gate accompanied by my brother and my minty carebear, we waved frantically until she vanished at the lift lobby. i often wonder what's beyond it and often wish i grow up fast so i can go beyond this gate on my own to see the world. and boy was i so stupid to wish for that, almost 18 years have past after i made that wish. heh.
i went through most of what she went through only i've made a slight twist to her fate. making the decision to come here. when i say most of it... just the problem domain. heh!
it was always a dream to be here where i am, while i was sitting in those tiny chair in the big classroom right smack next to damai primary school. gosh actually i am amazed by the size of the chair where i used to sit in the classroom. it is super-cute... and that time when i used to sit on it, it seem too big for my size.
oh ya did i ever told you i ask my friend during exam without feeling guilty when i was in kindergarten? if my aunty ever know this she will definitely take the hard-colorful-ball back cause i was ranked third in her class, only Allah know how did i ever manage to be third when i don't even know how to read! [is this gettin somewhere?... i guess not!]

- - - - - end of part II - - - - -

well yea. i'm a goody-two-shoe. what the hell is that i have no idea. who the hell came up with that? i only understand the goody part. Yup... being an undergrad doesn't mean i know the farking dictionary. my vocab is very limited, so my favourite book will be the DICTIONARY. seriously. i'm not kidding! [*smirk*]
well anyway about being goody. from a dumb young girl, i love to observe. especially my elder siblings [like duh.. do i have other siblings??]. i meant the two elderestest [kwa kwa kwa] especially their mistakes and the reaction from my mom. and as a virgo... i tend to try to be perfect and try not to repeat their mistakes [major OCD (check out my fav. website)!]. that's how i gain my parents 'TRUST'. hehe. see even when i was young i have a plan to take over the world!
so why do i have to blog this? because i'm running out of idea! [kwa kwa kwa]
i shall stop here and make my way to be sane [no! its not suppose to be saint] for a bit.

Yeah (yeah, yeah)... to my lifelong-childhood-partner-in-crime may Allah bless you, my blood brother, A.d.i (Baldi!) Happy Birthday!
message to you: Stop wearing that colored lens you look gay! joking! i loathe you til death do us part [kwa kwa kwa]

[9:14 am| Apr 2 2005]


back again

you're actually reading my blog yea?
yup. still me. don't ask me why i'm back. just be nice.
see the layout, pretty ya. nope, it's not my work. someone else.
til i have the moment to catch my breath, i'll try to be original.
being a full-time procrastinator, most probably its not gonna happen. heh.
i'll try to update religiously...

[7:24 pm | Apr 1 2005]